Last year the Tories in Scotland finally kicked Labour into third place. Thanks mainly to the hard work of my dear friend, Ruth
The SNP are rubbish. All they ever do is fail at government. Scottish schools are nearly as bad as English ones. Might be best not to mention English schools at all. How about somewhere too far away for anyone to know better? Like Estonia? And they can't pay farm subsidies on time. What's worse, they don't like nukes and run their NHS more efficiently than we do. All of this means they are unfit to govern and I intend to take these powers away from them as soon as possible. Because we can't have a situation where Scotland is doing better at things than Westminster.
Scottish people deserve a First Minister who is focussed on delivering
Because as British Prime Minister my power base is all that matters to me. We can't have bits of the UK opting out whenever they feel like it. Devolution was a catastrophic mistake that must be corrected. Scotland doesn't vote Conservative so it doesn't deserve a say in anything. Might be best to tone this down. Emphasise the "precious union" and "mutual benefits of one people".
Britannia has a proud history of
Britannia can be great again, in our new post-Brexit World of Opportunity. All the SNP want to do is pull Britain apart, which is why we intend to throw them all into internment camps as soon as we've abolished the Human Rights Act. Might be too soon for this announcement. Stick to business benefits, security, all that guff. NB Gordon got some good use out of "pooling and sharing" and "the broad shoulders of the UK".
Scotland has been allowed to get away with doing things better than us for long enough. Sod democracy, you're going to shut up and do what you're told. This is a fine sentiment but remember it's all the SNP's fault. Emphasise how they are "holding back" Scotland. Should play better in the business community.