I have never been approached, but were I invited onto I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here I would decline. Not simply for the reason that such exploitative television is eroding our cultural heritage, but for the personal reason that I refuse under any circumstances to eat baked beans. My aversion dates from the discovery that baked beans are the Obamas' light meal of choice. I once sat next to Michele Obama at an awards ceremony and was appalled to witness America's First Lady embarrass herself by asking the waiter for a plate of baked beans. It was no pleasure to sit and watch the ignominious spectacle of her shovelling beans into her face. She went on to compound the humiliation by mopping up the sauce with a bagel.
Of course the British Empire never really ended. It is not politically correct to say this, or to acknowledge that Great Britons still control most of the globe through trade and security. But we should be eternally grateful for it. Thanks to people like Tony Blair this has had a weakening influence on the evil rise of Islam. Sadly he was unique among British politicians in having such a clear purpose of demolishing the greatest threat to western democracy. At least we could sleep a little more securely during his tenure.
It is with enormous relief that I hear the Dubs amendment has been defeated. What a horrendous prospect, all those budding terrorists flooding into our precious sceptred isle, like a million sleeper suicide bombers. If we Brits have any fault it is in being too trusting, too generous and welcoming. Thankfully Theresa May's government is putting a stop to that.
We should all be concerned with the disturbing rise of racism in the UK. I refer of course to Scottish separatism, really a thinly veiled attack on the softhearted English who have subsidised their feeble minded northern neighbours for far too long. Kilts and shortbread were English inventions, and Mel Gibson wasn't even born in Scotland, so these deluded fanatics have no grounds to claim sovereignty over a few barren moors and the odd mountain.
It's undoubtedly the failings of our abysmal education system that have fostered these troublesome nationalists. Hopefully Mrs May will get to grips with this and see that English dominance is more clearly emphasised in the classroom. The next generation of Scots and Irish must be made to realise their subordinate status and accept it with humility if our precious Union is to be preserved.