Thursday, 11 May 2017

Guest Post: Newly Elected Conservative Councillor Brian McDamage

Fuck off. It's coonsellor Brian McDamage to you, mate. Following ma historic victory kickin' the shit oot o' the SNP.

Here's ma victory speech:

Get tae fuck, get tae fuck, get tae fuck
Get tae fuck, get tae fuck, get tae fuck
Get tae fuck, get tae fuck,
Nikla Sturjin get tae fuck

Here's me on ma way to the hustings. Clock the yoonyin jacks. That means British first an' last. Foreign scum can get tae fuck.

To be honest it was a bit disappointin' when we got there. Ah took ma knuckledusters, thinkin' it'd be a great chance to put the boot in, but some fella in a suit said that's no' allowed, just say yer piece. Well ah didnae bring a piece so instead I stood up an' telt them about how ah hate the SNP an' we're no' havin' any mair Referendums an fuck the fuckin' Eeyoo an' a' they fuckin' foreigners can get tae fuck.  An' fuck me if they didnae elect me onyway.

See the tories, ah fuckin' love them noo. Ah aye thot they were just a bunch o' wankers, poncin' aboot in their posh suits, stopping' yer dole an' my girlfriend Chelsea's housin' benefit an' tax credits an' thanks tae the fuckin' rape clause she'll no' let me near her in case she gets up the duff again. But they telt me it's no' like before, it's "Roof Davisons Scottish Conservatives" an' that Roof Davisons seems like a sound bloke, drivin' aroon' in tanks an' putting' the boot intae Nikla Sturjin a' the time. An' noo ah'm a coonsillor ah'll no' be needing' the dole anyway.

So noo ah've got tae hang aboot at the City Chambers an have meetins an' decide stuff an' that. Ah'm no sayin' it'll no be a challenge, ken, cos ah've never hud a job for mair than a week. Shood be a laff,  an' if ah get a chance ah'll put the boot in the SNP.

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